I believe we visualize ourselves appearing to others a certain way, rather than visualizing the multiple facets of ourselves that others actually see. Maybe we want them to see us a particular way, or maybe we transition from one facet of personas to another so seamlessly that we cease to notice the differences.
There is an non-pragmatic, child-like aspect of myself that emerges when I look at art supplies. It doesn’t matter if it is in person or filtered through the the pages glossy catalog, my inner kid has a way of dominating my internal monologue, attempting to convince me this “shiny” will make me a better better artist, as if it the only barriers that separate artist from the craftsperson can be solved by writing a check.
The rational facet of my brain knows this is, in fact true, but the part of my brain that interprets what I see, doesn’t actually give a shit, because easels, well, they are absolutely stunning. The wood doesn’t have a single blemish, and the stain, a warm, cherry mahogany tone, looks like it should be displayed in an living room, not confined to the outer limits of a studio or basement.
As far as my brain is concerned, art supplies in general, easels in particular, are pornography. I look at them and I see the things I want to be, instead of casting the occasional glance at my surroundings and seeing myself for who and what I am.
Two years ago, I reintroduced myself to oil painting. Small stuff. Nothing serious. Mediocre execution at best, but that doesn’t matter. Success wasn’t the goal. The process: layering scratching and mark making, was. The early work was completed, seated at my drafting table, but I soon longed to stand and make the most of full arm extenuation, and the ease with which one can distance herself from work and see problems that are less obvious when viewed up close.
I converted a step ladder into an easel with a pair of bungee cords and a scrap two by four, I have an adjustable easel and a workable solution for storing a fiberglass ladder, all without taking myself or the process of painting too seriously.
Two months ago, I had a realization about my irrational love affair with easels. It isn’t about the shiny, the scent of stain, or even the functionality. It was about the things that weren’t there. The negative spaces.
Easels can easily by represented by a few quick slashes made with a pencil, but the story isn’t the easel itself, but the manner in which these linear shapes frame the secondary characteristics of the room, reducing the sum to cropped versions of individual components, encouraging me to evaluate the way I see ordinary objects.

Reflected Sunlight; Oil Painting; 9.5″ X 11.875″