Getting Schooled
There are trials which require mental preparation to both excel and survive. Preparations which under the cloak of ordinary would simply come across as overbearing or annoying, but in specific situations make us stronger and more effective.
Hopefully my partner’s mental preparations will dissipate soon, so I don’t continue to feel like I’m trapped in a junior high classroom replete with hormones, social anxiety sitting beside the ‘know it all” kid trying not to get caught rolling my eyes.
The Better Half has spent all of April and part of May training. In the long run, this will be beneficial for his career, and by default us. As for the short run, there was an enormous amount of pressure. Long hours, mostly away from home, and much studying when he was here.
I feel out of line, asking him to clean out the gutters when he’s blowing off steam for an hour playing computer games. But, there is the unfortunate truth that even if he weren’t under job stress, he would still be playing computer games, neglecting household tasks. Some things don’t change, only the excuses we provide for them.
One of the side effects of his training is the constant sharing of the information he is required to memorize in painstaking detail. His job is interesting to me, the complex machinery is fascinating, and I’m just dull enough as human being that I am intrigued by how things work. However, there is a limit to the amount of detail I care to listen to. I retain information in the abstract sense, studying the concept to see if I can apply it to another situation, the vocabulary, and etymological history is completely unnecessary provided I’m not forced to submit to a quiz.
He recalls the systems in painstaking detail because that is what is required of him, and because repeating it verbatim helps to reinforce it in his mind. I’m uncertain if he is relaying it to me to improve his retention, or if he is pounding his fists to his chest to establish his intellectual superiority. I’ll concede to the former, but only by also noting if the roles were reversed I seriously doubt he would listen to what I am saying, much feign interest.
Rather than subvert the educational process, I’ve elected to be as complicit as possible and censor myself rather than contribute additional stress to the process. As a result, I’ve feeling as if actual communication is too much of a chore, and not just with him, but most of the people in my daily life.
I’m not sure if that says more about me, him, them, or the desire to become invisible.



