Rabbit
11.875″ x 9.5″
Mixed media comprised of latex paint, charcoal, chalk and conte crayon executed on masonite panel.
why describe what you will inevitably judge for yourself?
Archives for the month of: August, 2010
I postpone things I want. There is a nagging voice in my head that says, You haven’t earned it or You need to finish cutting the grass or painting the basement first. Most people procrastinate in the opposite direction. Me? I live with this deep seeded fear that I might actually enjoy myself, which apparently makes me uncomfortable.
I had a shelf of books waiting to be consumed, some mine and others recommended. I programmed myself into believing I should complete these before before getting a library card. Like on some level it was necessary to deprive myself so that I could later feel justified in indulging myself, as if one had anything to do with the other.
Some of these were obligation books. Someone else enjoyed them and thought I would. Only I didn’t. Most were technically good books, but I was unable to appreciate the characteristics that made them great books, just as the books I recommended to those people probably also fell flat, because they didn’t appeal to the reader’s taste. Liking a book, doesn’t make it a good book, nor does disliking a book make it a bad one, yet it is easier to focus on the subjective aspect of literature than the technical one.
So, I ask myself, “so, seriously what is with all this guilt over the library card, even when you had religion, it wasn’t one of the self-flogging shame ridden flavors?”
Why do this to myself? Guilt reading. Is it like the latent maternally programmed equivalent of not wanting to throw out food remaining on a child’s plate at the end of a meal? If you’re going to make the child eat it later. Fine. But eating half of a bologna sandwich because you feel guilty about throwing it in the trash because there are children starving in Africa won’t alleviate their stomach pangs, but it will raise your sodium intake and make you feel bloated. Just like reading a book you don’t like does little to improve world literacy.
Library card in hand, and martyrdom shed like a snake skin, I went to check out this selection only to find it unavailable. At first, I was disappointed, because two hours earlier the book was there, but secretly I’m pleased because a temporary void appears which will allow me to read other books until this one is returned, and it means the original book I was seeking was in demand….so maybe it’s a better than I anticipated.
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Guilty Pleasure
What or who do you enjoy reading, that you don’t mention to your peers because it is too cerebral, too outrageous, or too trashy? And why do you read it?
In my past life (aka before the move), we had a regular watering hole. Initially we spent time there because the atmosphere was so unlike the other local bars and restaurants. It was downtown, contemporary, not too loud, and the menu was more inventive than the average buffalo wings or mozzarella sticks. TVs were tuned in to non-bar channels: The Weather Channel, HGTV, and Food Network. In the later months of our tenure the 2 for 1 martinis alleviated the stress associated with his parent’s failing health.
I used to despise “date night” in any restaurant littered with TV’s. Why go out if we are only going to the same things we do at home? Eat, drink, engage in distraction, and deploy statements in lieu of conversation.
Now? Oh, I still dislike it, but sitting at a bar watching sports news, I don’t give a rip about, is easier than admitting that after years in a relationship, there are times when you will run out of things to say. It seems more authentic to let silence take its place than litter the air with filler. It’s okay not to speak if you don’t have anything to say, but there is something unnerving about sitting face to face in silence, rather than side by side in it. It must be the eye contact.
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We were running errands last week as lunch approached. It was the Better Half’s turn to choose a restaurant. He found the trifecta of what for him is restaurant crack: new establishment, cold beer, and flat screens. We placed our order, and took turns deploying statements.
This place had too many screens competing for your attention.It was like watching popcorn pop. Finally I settled on one behind the bar. After five minutes, it become obvious the managerial staff was not “minding the store”, and the broadcast was not a talk show, but an informercial on penis pumps.
Did you know medicare covers the cost of penis pumps? and special companies will file your insurance for you so you can receive a penis pump at no cost?
At least lunch was chicken wings instead of hotdogs. We waited for the staff to notice, but no one did. Twenty minutes later BH told a waitress. I don’t think he really cared, I think he just wanted to see if she would blush.
