I stood in the card aisle, fingering poetic missives on embossed papers, struck by the inappropriateness of many of the messages. Regretful words spouting synthetic wisdom disguised as empty platitudes. In the rawness of the moment it hardly seems adequate lacing bereavement with the pragmatism of things being meant to be.
I know the recipients, but not well enough to profess a relationship, unless tolerance has an expanded meaning of which I am unaware. Finally, I call the Better Half for insight. Is he religious? I know she is. Apparently, if he wasn’t, he is now. It makes finding the right message less of a minefield A sympathy card should accommodate the needs of the recipient, not the dogma, or lack thereof, of the sender.
Loss can inspire embracing religion, or the denouncing it. I’m judging merely observing. Peace is seldom found in a centralized location. The quest for reason is a recurring plight of the human condition; whether it be in the form of spiritual or scientific explanations. We feel more closure when we can identify the cause (or place blame) on what produced the effect. Even if the effect is an unintended consequence. But a loss is hardly a consequence. It is a name, a face, a missed opportunity, and a dark hole in an aching heart.
I have it on the authority of a friend who has experienced a horrible loss, that it’s not really the message, it’s that you sent it that matters.
With the exception of dumbass statements like “it’s for the best” or “He’s in a better place now.”
My suggestion was going to be something along the lines of “thinking of you.”
I had to re-read the entry because I was thinking of how painful buying a Mother’s Day card usually is and didn’t follow you.
meno, it’s interesting that a thoughtless toss off statement can be perceived as more hurtful than a deliberate barb. You can deliver the message with the best intentions, but there is no guarantee it was be received that way.
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de, you made me laugh. Mother’s Day cards are difficult. I guess that’s why I am still tempted to mail an inappropriate crayon drawing on a sheet of construction paper.