I forgot myself, between the pillow fluffing, and the requisite deep sigh that follows turning off the lamp. I paused recalling notion of prayer, then rolled over on my side to count sheep as if nothing had ever happened.
I haven’t prayed of my own volition in a long time. (The Better Half and I take turns giving thanks at meals, but I don’t consider appreciation to food providers to be in the same ball park as say, god please help relieve my gout and watch over my children.”) I observe the niceties and respectfulness of belief one learns to survive in the bible belt to prevent drawing condemnation. It my not sound like it, but I sincerely attempt to be respectful of other’s beliefs. I’ve nothing to gain by destroying another’s faith.
I grew up shadowing my parent’s beliefs. I didn’t think I had a choice. Not in the “If you don’t beg Jesus for forgiveness, I’m gonna get you with a switch..” kind of way, but in the “your only choice is vanilla” kind of way. When I got older, I read more and eventually abandon the flock, and thankfully most of the flock failed to notice.
When I tossed the vestiges of religion, the last item to strike the floor was prayer. I think part of the reason was it was ingrained; not like habitually parking on the same row at the grocery store, but more like taking the pill the same time every day. Eventually it evolved into something cathartic, like writing in a journal. An opportunity to organize your thoughts and empty your head in preparation for a solid night’s sleep, until finally I began unceremoniously turning the light switch and rolling onto my side.
When my father-in-law was in the last throes of lucidity, trying to manage my mother-in-law’s dementia outbursts, I remember him asking us to pray for them. I suspected that his desired outcome from prayer was a very specific one. Something akin to putting spilt milk back in the heifer. I put a lot of thought into the request of an emotionally battered old man, and even based upon my pre-libris beliefs, I had difficulty convincing myself that even if I believed in his god with the same faith as he, I would have difficulty conceiving of a being who would be willing to turn back the hands of time and present my FIL with the pre-demencial woman he loved, who baked him pies, bore him children, and praised his fishing prowess. Even if I prayed to his god on his behalf, and his god accepted the sincerity of an atheist the desired outcome….
My willingness to conform to the prescribed desire to offer prayers on behalf of others who thought they were in need, provided me a vehicle to avoid confrontation. I didn’t have anything to lose because I don’t believe in anything. But, I began wondering if I was violating my own desires to be respectful of others, by the omission of personal truth in submitting to another’s respect for prayer. Was I being disrespectful to the beliefs of friends and family, by offering the comfort of prayer to a god I didn’t believe in?
I always thought the hardest part about not believing would be the persecution. Not from everyone, but some. For each person who is respectful of differences in beliefs, there are those who are not, and face it, the most dogmatic are the ones who receive the most attention. The hardest part is trying to offer comfort to the people in your life who do believe, and expect a very specific flavor of comfort; prayer. I want to offer my support, my “best wishes”, and my desire for I brighter tomorrow, but I can’t always because I don’t believe the world works that way. There are times when there are no answers because life carries on.
I hope they can detect, I want only the best for them, offering respect that will not diminish their beliefs, nor mine.
Wow, you write beautifully, and you make your point well. For what it’s worth, and coming from a Christian, I don’t think it’s fair to ask anyone to give me what i want to hear. Sure, it would be nice if I were diagnosed with cancer to hear, “I’ll pray for you” but if you don’t believe in that, then your support would be enough. I would never expect someone to believe in my God, just like I could never pretend that God doesn’t exist just to appease you.
With God, as you well know, there is no proof. There is just faith, and then with faith, actions that build upon it. For me, those actions are God inspired. For others, an atheist perhaps, it’s simply what happens when one throws a stick in the water. Did it come back because God wanted it to? (My take) or Did it not come back because God had another plan for it? (My take) Or did it, did it not, come back because of a wind shift, it was too heavy, some other logical point? Perhaps your take as an atheist?
In the end, why does it matter. The stick either did or did not come back! I am happier with the result because of my faith. You are, or are not, based on your worldview.
In the end, we all do the best we can. And, since you are not of the God train, I will not leave this comment with God bless you. But I will sincerely, with heart, send you my best wishes!
(And maybe I’ll pray behind your back. But you’ll never know.)
its a tough row to hoe, an unbeliever in a believing land. I nod my head and allow others to assume, which works most times.
Within 2 minutes of meeting me for the first time, my MIL’s sister asked me if I were saved. I shucked and jived and dodged the bullet somehow – I don’t remember how. But that happens around here, occasionally.
Learn how to dance, I have.
If someone asks me to pray for them, i say yes. i don’t DO it, but i say i will. After all, it’s all about making them feel better, and if it makes them feel better to think i am praying for them, all the better.
It’s odd how rarely any one has ever asked me directly if i am religious. I Don’t answer questions that aren’t asked. Safer that way.
andrea, I hesitate to speak on behalf of other atheists, but as an individual I would probably be concerning myself with the impact the stick made, and whether or not it necessitated a response on my part. As for a christian’s take on the spiritual interaction of the stick with the water, I’ve no objection, provided their interpretation doesn’t infringe upon my rights, and they do not speak on my behalf. As for prayers, I don’t discourage others, if I did, it would infringe on their rights
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I attend religious ceremonies to support those in my life whom I love. I don’t have to mirror their beliefs to show family I am happy for their accomplishments (singing in the choir, or earning merit badges). I admire their perseverance in their spiritual journeys, and wish only the best for them. Being respectful of other’s beliefs does not marginalize my own. I wish you success in your pursuit of the spiritual path.
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Bob, what an awkward situation. I was in a similar situation when I was younger, and I basically lied about it to avoid an unnecessary confrontation. Now, I wish I had handled myself differently, not cruelly, but in a concise, respectful way.
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meno, I usually respond with, “I’ll keep you in my thoughts.” so I don’t I have to lie, and they feel reassured interpreting thoughts as the same as prayer…. I don’t volunteer that information either. But that question is more common in this region.