I usually don’t have reservations about making decisions. I will make a choice, even if it is a poor one, and accept the consequences. Refusing to put on my big girl panties and say I was wrong, only prolongs the inevitable, not to mention, few people believe plaintive cries that abstain me from any culpability anyway.

I’m feeling indecisive about this one though. Is it better to be one who recognizes the unintentional acts that contribute to hurt feelings and righteous indignation, or is it better to be the recipient of such acts and the bearer of hurt feelings?

In the end I don’t think it matters, because both positions lack the ability alter whatever incident has left left people sniffling. And empathy, though really useful, lacks any tangible ability to turn back the hands of time and make things right. Apologies can be a step in the right direction, but seem trifle at times because everyone knows it is easier to get forgiveness than permission

*****

So, basically I spent ten hours in the car, and four days gasping for air with a chain smoker because people communicate in code, because my mother always couches the way she feels when speaking with my brother, my brother always remembers my sister frozen in adolescence with her drama queen ways, my sister in law is still suffering from chemo brain even though she is finished with her treatment and my sister was on her period. Nice. At least I wasn’t on center stage.

The problem with reading between the lines regarding what others need, is guessing wrong. At that point, you risk wasting your time, and theirs. Even worse, is downplaying it in your mind to the extent that someone doesn’t receive care they need. Can you live with yourself? Can you indefinitely saddle society or siblings with your responsibilities?

There are occasions when you have no choice but to waste time in order to get to the truth. I hate wasting time.

*****

By day two, it was obvious I was wasting my time. As the saying goes, my mother was milking it. She could have managed without me, but she wasn’t going to allow me to leave. This is humorous, because the woman is not a born manipulator. She will tell you what to do, and she will imply what you should do, but she will not trick you into doing it. She will however pout about it. It must suck to have kids who are as hard-headed as you are :)

*****

It’s good for family to be okay, even if they can’t see the things I see. It’s good for them to slow down, and not spend time worrying. It’s good for them to be relieved temporarily of their responsibilities. But mostly, it’s good to be back home.