I keep a folder for thoughts easily misinterpreted outside the context of the moment, which I don’t post. I may be stubborn, but I learn from my mistakes.
This creates an interesting dilemma. I don’t feel any better after writing about situations that trouble me, nor do I feel better after I discussing them. No sensation of weightlessness, no shifting karmic bile. Nothing. Mostly, I feel trapped. On the page and in real life.
The essence of who I am remains the same, and therein lies the problem. Adapt or perish.
I’m struggling. I’m not opposed to change. I makes modifications so as not to disrupt the continuity of the moment. I’ve worked on my temper, and avoided useless confrontations. But some alterations, are elements that make me who I am, not defects in character, as much as a difference in philosophy.
Adapting as a concession, and the notion one should transform for the benefit of the group pisses me off. I have never requested the group, as individuals or a whole, make concessions for my comfort.
Feelings don’t cease simply because the moment has past. It isn’t that I relish or feel justified in holding a grudge. Anger builds slowly and embers smolder.
I don’t feel like a partner in union as much as I feel like ship that has been sucked into the sea. My remaining individuality resides in these posts, and in studio flat files. Not much content of aside from abstract double speak.
I’m sorry. It sounds like you’re in a bad place. Thoughts on what to do?
De, I’ll probably do as I always do; wait and refrain from saying or doing impulsive, and go through the motions until it feels like routine.
I’m sorry. you make it sound as if you have no choice but to either accept his way or not. Is there no room for compromise from him? No one should have to give up who they are – there is always a line which cannot be crossed. That being said, relationships are inherently about compromise. it is a two-way street.
I hope you can find a middle ground that allows you to be you.
Bob, I have choices, but are only available when it is just the two of us. In more populated situations, there is this pressure to conform; either in the way he leads conversation, or constant prompts to behave certain ways. Similar to the method a parent uses to prompt a child to say please and thank you.
Yes, relationships are about compromise, which is the reason I’m not contemplating any drastic measure. I will feel empty, and eventually the burn will disappear, and things will return to normal, whatever that is. I suspect before year’s end, I will find myself in a similar situation and again feel the way I do now.
Reasons to marry an orphan.
Flip answer, but that’s all i got, because nothing i say will be useful. Just understanding.
meno, by flip I take it you don’t mean the bird…yadda yadda yadda, family is hard work. We all lose sleep over it sooner or later, dude, where’s my cat.
Some people (I guess I am one, sometimes) who are embarrassed when their spouse contradicts them in public. Less problematic, but sometimes equally embarrassing, is when a spouse has a different opinion on a topic and says so in public. It’s as if Laura having a different opinion makes mine less valid, or implies that we don’t have a strong relationship when actually, the opposite is true – when two people can believe in two different ways yet can maintain a marriage (or friendship) it demonstrates that you aren’t threatened by different beliefs/opinions.
it’s hard.
Bob, I understand the contradiction component. It’s a delicate operation, to oppose without provoking, especially if you share the same bed. Hence I refrained from making a scene. However, I have yet to detour the whole sulking process.