We Are Sitting Ducks….
working in the yard in broad daylight on an ordinary Monday. Our attempts to invest sweat equity into our home do not go unnoticed by contractors patrolling residential neighborhoods for economic opportunity. The state of the economy is reflected by the number of cold calls beckoning at our doorstep. Tis a terrible time to have a house on the market, but a good time to contract for home repairs, at least here, and especially for cash.
Lured by three untouched pallets pavers littering the front door, a pair guys in a beat-up taurus wagon, attempted to negotiate installation. We were not swayed as most of the prep work has been completed. Had they shown up prior to the excavation of dirt, and sandstone, the temptation to negotiate, might have been stronger. Yet, the kicker, was the discover these two yahoos were responsible for installing the shitty path, I spent weeks removing because it was an unstable lawsuit waiting to happen. We were polite, a thanks but no thanks, gentle dismissal.
I admire their tenacity, going door to door, trying to put food on the table, but there are some services you can’t afford no matter what a bargain they are. The willingness to work isn’t enough to cancel out the know-how which brings a project to fruition. If they had installed the path, any less than perfect, I would have never been unable to live with my spouse, as he would speak of little else than a job not perfectly executed. You have to be careful, frequently you get what you pay for.
And so the paver path continues, well not the path, so much as the preparation, and it progresses in the tradition of DIY. Slowly, painfully, with much sighing and sweat. My husband has done this before. Each time the pattern is different and the complexity varies. He installed a straight path, at the shared home with his former wife, in his former life, thus making him the master paver layer. We worked to together laying a path and patio at our former home. No easy task with a curving herringbone pattern that required numerous cuts and the sacrifice of a circular saw.
It would natural to assume the process has become easier, but it would be an incorrect assumption. This path is simpler, no cutting required, yet he still struggles with the foundation, the dimensions, and his controlling effort to perfect that, which still has a plus and minus margin of error. When he becomes overwhelmed by the inconsistencies that require him to punt, he returns to the digging, sometimes massive amounts of earth moving, and other times packing the moved earth back into place. This is part of his struggle, something he needs do to complete the task.
He would like nothing better than for me to stand around and listen to him think. That is the most painful part of the process. He doesn’t really want input, but validation. I need to move, even if it is small increments, hauling mulch or weeding flower beds. As for validation, it’s not as though I don’t appreciate his efforts. If wants to be the master paver project foreman, he needs to lead the project, and assign me tasks. I don’t need to watch him find his way, I know he will, it just takes time.
March 25th, 2009 at 12:11 pm
Laura can’t stand to be around me when I’m doing something like that. I don’t have an inner dialog – it is all said out loud. She gets nervous when I cuss, rant, no expletives deleted whenever I encounter a problem. For her, it’s like a thousand world-endings and she can’t take the stress.
So, she disappears, I get the job done and all is well.
You need to find your hubs a male who can “help” him out with these projects. They’ll discuss the endless variety of ways the problem can be surmounted and then do it – with no requirement for you to nod meaningfully at the right times.
March 25th, 2009 at 1:40 pm
Man, I’ve put in a patio before and it wasn’t fun. The one you did with your hubby looks pretty awesome. I bet it sucks being a foreman and can see your frustration. I never do well taking orders from anyone.
Hey, I was in Home Depot yesterday and this guy I thought was a Home Depot employee approached me while I was sifting through electrical plugs. Turns out he was soliciting a Home Depot remodel business. I’m not 100% sure he was a Home Depot employee, but I thought it was odd. I guess I was in a Home Depot, but I found it odd they’d pester customers in their store. Maybe that’s what they have to do though in these tougher times.
March 25th, 2009 at 3:48 pm
I think you should just sip at a glass of lemonade from a lawn chair and comment repeatedly upon his cleverness and manly strength.
March 26th, 2009 at 8:06 am
yeah, right, Meno. Like you would ever actually do that. You’d just say you did to get out of a lunch date or something.
It is difficult for me to be a bystander during the swearing, even though I have finally learned that it’s just part of the process, and not indicative of the outcome.
What a great story, that it was the same workmen who made the path you removed. Hard to resist having some fun with that one.
If I didn’t know better, I’d think you’d married my sister’s first husband. In order to work together, they had to clearly assign a project leader. My husband is perfectly willing to accept my suggestions, and usually does things the way I want them. The only complaint I have is that he wastes a lot of mental energy thinking things through without getting my input first. This probably works out because I don’t always have two cents to put in.
March 27th, 2009 at 8:55 am
Bob my husband has difficulty picking out the right boyfriend. He needs a guy with skills, who will allow him his tenure as the alpha male on the project. Oh, and he also needs to like foosball. I try to be around, yet out of the way. If he needs me I’m available, but if he doesn’t, I can try to accomplish something for my own mental health. The thumb twittering and public thinking make me nuts, I research more in advance. We all have our own ways of troubleshooting.
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egan, at least now I understand his process, and I am better equipped to adapt in a way that doesn’t make us both crazy. Times are tough for contractors. We also had visits from asphalt contractors, and a general handyman in the last 2 months.
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meno, he would only disturb my reading, by asking me to fetch beer. Sounds like De has you figured out.
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De, I participate because the outcome will benefit both of us, and we both want it. I do my research in advance, he does his in the moment. He needs to feel like he is in charge more than I do, and frankly he has more experience than I do with foundational work. Letting him lead this is a no-brainer. I know in the end, he, actually we will do an excellent job, but the process of thinking it out…
May 2nd, 2009 at 10:58 am
[...] finished the paver path and the end result feels anticlimactic. Nine months of various stages of planning, designing, [...]