Comments on: Huh? Road

By: sanity is a cozy lie » Blog Archive » Tweaking

sanity is a cozy lie » Blog Archive » Tweaking — Fri, 27 Mar 2009 16:52:39 +0000

[...] a week of quietly seething, my spouse announced it was time to call his brother about an old voicemail. I could feel my [...]

By: jaded

jaded — Sat, 21 Mar 2009 15:01:44 +0000

De, he was happier about the situation, when he wasn’t aware it was a situation. He’s also been under stress with losing his father, and I didn’t want to be the one who added to the stress.

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Bob, your right about confiding in your partner. It never turns out to be as volatile as I anticipate, quite the opposite. Even knowing, I can’t seem to stop assuming the worst. There haven’t been any real repercussions for either of us yet. I’m beginning to think the other party is too embarrassed about the situation to respond.

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meno, I didn’t know taking a stand would make me so sick to my stomach…Of course days later, nothing has changed, no real contact with them. I am sleeping better at night; always good.

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crazymumma, that sums it up nicely.

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flutter, it’s because the air is so thin.

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maggie, my husband wants e to stick up for myself, but he doesn’t like how I choose to when his family is involved. Some things are difficult to say nicely when you are peeved.

By: maggie

maggie — Thu, 19 Mar 2009 23:42:11 +0000

My husband often chastises me for NOT standing up for myself. So I admire your gumption. And I believe my husband is right. If you don’t stand up for yourself and allow the doormat scenario, then you will always be the doormat to the other party, and that could lead to some really miserable situations.

I agree with Meno. Spouses choose each other. When they say ‘for better or worse’ or whatever similar wording, they are promising to stand by you, to never allow anyone to abuse you. Anyone! Not even yourself.

I love that you question yourself because it shows a level of maturity and wisdom that many of us forego in the excuse of no time to think. Your vortex of thought often whorls me in.

By: flutter

flutter — Thu, 19 Mar 2009 05:00:54 +0000

the high road invariably gives me a nose bleed

By: crazymumma

crazymumma — Thu, 19 Mar 2009 02:29:02 +0000

sometimes the high road sucks because what was it that I said to someone today?

oh yeah.

doing the right thing is not often easy.
and the easy thing is often wrong.

By: meno

meno — Wed, 18 Mar 2009 16:11:57 +0000

You gave him heads up, he agreed. That’s the high road right there.

It’s also not okay to knowingly let your relatives abuse your spouse. So you took a stand. I like it.

By: Bob

Bob — Wed, 18 Mar 2009 16:02:02 +0000

I have found in the past that, when telling my wife of something I’ve done that is less than, say, hensible (but not quite reprehensible), she has been more forgiving than I worried she’d be. She loves me, if not for my foibles, than in spite of them.

I hope you had a similar experience in your discussion with your husband.

Taking the high road is often a path only celebrated in retrospect, and sometimes only by those who took it. I agree with you, if you cannot find satisfaction in having made that choice and instead look for validation in other’s recognition of it, then you should review your choice.

In a perfect world taking the high road should not mean not being able to stand up for yourself. However, we live in the real world. If you cannot deal with being their doormat, then do something about it and realize that you - and probably he - will have to live with those consequences. Hopefully the problems that arise from this new course of action are offset by the satisfaction of having dealt with the situation.

By: De

De — Wed, 18 Mar 2009 15:58:40 +0000

It’s a two way street - you don’t have to take his side, either. You can choose to stand up for yourself. You don’t transform in to a villain, but unfortunately, there are so many people who are just looking for a single excuse to write someone off or validate their opinion. There is nothing you can do about that, and there is no way you can prevent it from affecting your spouse. You did what you could do in giving him fair warning.